Know that feeling when your partner drives you absolutely crazy, and you end up arguing like two kids fighting over candy? And then, suddenly, out of nowhere, you find yourself super aroused? Yeah, we all know that feeling! And what an awkward feeling it is, right?
So, what’s the deal with make-up sex, and why do we love it so much? How does anger and other negative emotions turn into arousal? It could be because…
Your feelings are being transferred.
Sometimes when you experience a very strong emotion, your logical brain kind of slips up and confuses one emotion or feeling for another.
This is because anger and passion are closely linked, and because, during feelings of anger, your body releases adrenaline, your heart rate increases, and your cheeks become flushed. All of the above also point to one other thing: being horny.
And so, a big fight that you never thought would end up in amazing sex on the kitchen counter, totally happened! It’s simply a transfer of built up animalistic urges pouring out, making you feel ready to rip off your clothes and hop to the deed.
You’re feeling powerful in your argument.
This is especially true for those who either have pent up anger or who are usually too nervous or afraid to speak up. But, during a moment when a person finally decides that enough is enough, and they stand up for themselves loud and proud, this leads to a feeling of empowerment.
And even if things are said that they wish they could take back, they’re still left with an excess of excitement and passion. In this way, their whole body ignites and they feel strong and powerful, ready to take on the world (and their partner).
On the other side of the spectrum however, it could also be extremely erotic to see a partner during an argument. Maybe they’re extremely loud and aggressive, but in such a way that it’s a complete turn on. This too can lead to a bit of make-up sex.
You feel closer after overcoming a problem together.
No matter how harsh the fight was, if partners were able to overcome said-fight, it shows that they’re able to get through something difficult, together. This alone can bring about a feeling of closeness, victory, and arousal.
It’s also a way in which for partners to see their significant other in a vulnerable state, which too can be a turn on. Oftentimes, individuals fear being vulnerable or uncomfortable, but, of course, the magic happens outside of one’s comfort zone.
You’re more relaxed after conflict resolution.
According to Dr. Jessica O’Reilly, sex after conflict is almost like the rainbow after a storm. She says:
“Resolving an issue or point of contention can result in a sense of relief — especially if you’ve been holding on to negative feelings and finally have the opportunity to express them. And when you’re more relaxed, you might find that your sexual response flows more freely.”
In short, avoiding conflict is not only bad for the relationship, but also bad for your sex life!
Why is make-up sex a good thing?
Of course people don’t actively seek out sex after an argument when they don’t feel like it. But, if two people do end a fight by hitting the sheets, there are actually a ton of benefits that could turn a nasty argument full of negative emotions, into a positive experience.
- Sex reduces levels of stress by lowering the release of cortisol, the stress hormone
- Sex creates a warm feeling of intimacy between two people, because the hormones dopamine and oxytocin are released
- Sex reduces feelings of anxiety and depression, thus helps you to improve your mood after an argument
- Sex is a natural pain reliever, creating a more relaxed body
- Sex helps improve one’s sleep, so a peaceful night’s rest can be enjoyed after an argument
- Sex can boost your libido, allowing for more sex in the future
So, the next time things get heated with your partner, prepare to transfer those negative emotions into positive ones, and enjoy the many benefits that sex, and make-up sex, have to offer. Of course, you don’t need to fight to get into an arguments to have great sex, check out a few toys to add a little bit of extra into your lovemaking.