The basic facts
According to a series of studies including one by the University of Kansas and another by Durex, there are six main reasons that we fake an orgasm, both for men and women:
- It feels good
- They do it for their partner
- They aren’t into sex
- It is a manipulation or power thing
- They have insecurity issues
Emotional communication issues
The figures showed that 76% of women admitted to faking an orgasm while 41% of men also admitted faking it at least once.
They also used a measurement chart called the Pretending Orgasms Reason Measure (PORM) to look at the reasons behind the urge to fake it. the survey then went on to talk to some 1400 college students and asked if they had faked it and why.
The difference between genders
The surveys showed some interesting points. For example, women were more likely to fake an orgasm to keep their partner happy in the same way they might wear attractive or sexy clothes. It also helps boost the man’s ego as men often see their ability to please a woman as being tied in with their masculinity. Women therefore sometimes fake the orgasm so not to make the man feel somehow inadequate.
Other times, the reason for a woman faking it has less to do with the man directly. Sometimes the faking is a way to speed up the process by getting their partner to orgasm and therefore end an unpleasurable or unwanted sex session. Some women even used the term ‘bad sex’ as a reason for faking it.
Other issues for women
Other women have said the problem has nothing to do with romance in your relationship but more to do with their own ability to either let go enough to experience an orgasm or simply taking too long to reach the point. Some fake it because they can’t reach a natural orgasm and feel embarrassed by it, so they fake it to cover it up.
Women have even admitted using Dildos and other sex toys to achieve what they can’t with a partner but this can be a good thing because once they experience it one way, it is something easier to experience it other ways.
Other issues for men
For the guys, there is often the view that they don’t need any prompting to perform and that there’s no need to really think about faking it, but this isn’t the case. As well as the reasons mentioned above there were other reasons that studies found that were particularly relevant to men. These included being too drunk or being too worried about their partner’s self-esteem. Then there were issues around desireless sex – they just weren’t into it. They wanted to improve the sex and make sure their partner had an orgasm or were frightened of losing their partner if they didn’t seem to complete things.
It was notable as well that men were faking it to make their partner feel better – but this didn’t mean they weren’t enjoying the sex. In some cases, they enjoyed the sex but just didn’t reach that point for some other reason.
Sometimes faking is a little like a white lie – it stops someone getting hurt feelings or being insecure. But for those doing it on a regular basis, it may be worth considering if you or your partner have more deep-seated issues to consider.