School girl and teacher, nurse and patient, fire fighter coming to your rescue… Oh, the list can go on!
Role-playing can be a huge turn-on for couples while there are some who haven’t had the opportunity to try it yet but have been thinking about giving it a go. If you and/or your partner belong to latter category, don’t worry, you are not weird for thinking about it. Role-play has a different kind of appeal after all.
What exactly is role-play? Basically, it is make-believe and acting it out. It depends on what you and/or your partner wants. It can be as simple as wearing costumes or just playing out scenarios – pretend you are boss and secretary – or playing with dominance and submission settings.
Why Role-Play is so Alluring
1. It is an escape from reality.
“Role-play is simply an opportunity to escape our own reality. By labeling it in a formal way we are giving permission to act, speak, feel, and think in a … way that may be dramatically different from our true selves,” says Joshua Klapow, Ph.D. clinical psychologist and host of the Kurre and Klapow radio show.
As long as you feel safe and comfortable doing it with your partner and vice versa, then by all means go role-play to your hearts’ content.
2. Role-play can be a means to fulfill a variety of needs and desires.
Role-playing lets you be someone else. Shy and submissive could role-play as someone in “power” like a police officer, for one. While dominant, authoritative personalities could role-play as an inhibited librarian. It is often the paradox that gives role-playing such thrill. Regardless of what personality type you have, you can explore the whole spectrum of traits through role-play.
Role-play also gives you a whole new perspective. With role-play, monogamous relationships feel like there is always something new to explore.
3. Role-play is intimate.
Sex and love-making in itself is intimate, but with role-play, intimacy is at a different level. Role-play requires partners to shed more inhibitions and to try something new that could be scary. It requires trust and confidence in each other and in yourself.
As such, it is incredibly important to put emphasis on consent. Consent on all parties involved and the willingness to commit to the role-play can be a huge turn-on, but it can only be achieved when all parties are willing.
If you and your partner are exploring the idea of delving into the world of role-play fantasies, here are some tips you can follow.
1. Set boundaries and establish safe word/s.
Communication is always the key. Talk about boundaries and have your safe words laid out. All parties have to understand that consent is vital and if at any point, any one gets uncomfortable, the safe word must be honoured. It is important that you and your partner know what each of you is hoping to get out of the experience.
2. Decide what to role-play.
Decide what you both want to role-play. Of course, things could always be more spontaneous. But when you are just starting out, it is best to talk beforehand what scenarios you would like to try or whether you want costumes in the picture. Act out movie scenes, maybe? Or discuss beforehand what turns you on. Student/teacher, maybe?
3. Start small.
Proceed at a pace you and your partner are comfortable with. It does not have to be a full-blown production complete with scripts and costumes. You can even start with role-play texting/messaging first – sort of like a foreplay roleplaying if you will.
4. Do not stress.
It might feel silly at the beginning and that’s fine. It’s new so the awkwardness is completely normal.
5. Don’t be afraid to commit to your role.
Don’t be afraid to act. Role-playing lets you be another person. Give yourself permission to enjoy being someone else for a bit. Pretty soon, you will get into character and actually feel that it is kind of liberating not be you for a bit.
Some scenarios you and your partner could try:
- Power dynamics – boss/secretary, boss/maid, doctor/patient, etc.
- Food delivery
- Help – plumber, electrician, gardener, etc