Masturbation has long been proven to be an effective tool in our arsenal for self care, self exploration and all things considered. Mutual Masturbation is very safe sex alternative.Recently with social media, gaining trends and more positive discussion and open sexuality; masturbation is rising above the stigma that has unfairly surrounded it in the past decades. And so it should be, Masturbation is amazing. A very under-rated facet of masturbation that does not get anywhere near enough of the spotlight is Mutual Masturbation.
When we think of mutual masturbation what first pops to head is long distance relationships, sharing that erotic phone call or scandalous Skype/Facetime video call in nothing but your very intimate of wears. Or at least that is what most people thought of when I asked them as I went to write this article.
These forms of mutual masturbation are very mutual and very sexy, hot and heedy. I love them, I love the ability that it brings to long distance relationships, or even not to long distance ones. Out for the night? Send something sexy and masturbate together. The principle of finding each other simultaneously arousing enough to bring you pleasure and climax even though you’re apart- bellissimo.
But that was not the type of Mutual Masturbation I am referring to. The type that definitely should be explored more, talked about more and definitely used more. Mutual Masturbation in real life involves more than one person enjoying themselves, together in the same room. It may sound like an oxymoron, but trust me, it isn’t. If anything, it may be one of the most intimate things you can do with your partner(s). It is watching your play partner giving themselves pleasure, while you give yourself pleasure, and they watch you.
Let’s start by looking at why this is such an intimate mode of sexual exploration. Yes, sexual intercourse is very intimate, it is the joining of your bodies, it is creating connection. When we masturbate however, we masturbate usually with thoughts or stimuli that turn us on. These can be various such as porn, videos, stories, memories, fantasies, dreams. How often can you say though, that the object of your arousal is in front of you, a breath away, watching you pleasure yourself, watching you get aroused by their presence?
Mutual Masturbation also brings out that tiny little piece of us that some may be curious about Voyeurism and exhibitionism but without the crowded audience or public. Voyeurism is the act of watching others participating in sexual exploits, Exhibitionism is enjoying being watched.
Mutual masturbation is a brilliant avenue to learn about your play partner and for them to learn about you too. What better way to learn what a person likes, how they get off, what their spots are, how they like being caressed, then to actually see them doing so. To make matters even sexier, you can hear it too. No need to hold back, using your words to help tell the story, can only enhance your experience. Expressing gratitude at the sight, the sound, the enjoyment of the moment or the sight of certain things either of you are doing may be enough to tip you over the edge.
This can also be a wonderful foray into using toys. Have you been nervous about using toys during sex? Using toys during mutual masturbation may be the key. This is your time to showcase your tips and tricks, heck, if you wanted to, you could even request your play partner to use something. The reason this is a good and neutral ground to try out incorporating toys can be numerous. Some partners may feel intimidated by the use of toys in their usual repertoire, using toys during mutual masturbation will highlight the pleasure but also highlight that that pleasure is not taking away from the connection and the intimacy with your play partner. It is an extension. If you have been worried about the logistics, this is also a trial run in how you can figure out how to best incorporate the toys into your routine.
And just think, how sexy is it to say or hear “Oh I wish I could taste you while using this toy.” or “I want to feel you inside me while using this”. I can definitely see how a person would feel aroused at these prospects. Again, it is a beautiful and exciting notion that toys are an extension of our sexual intimacy, they are not replacements.
Mutual Masturbation doesn’t need to end here though, it can be part one, the first course. You don’t simply need to strictly never touch each other, that is the beauty of this. It may evolve organically into sharing the touch, sharing an orgasm, together, helping each other orgasm. Who says you can’t kiss while you share this intimate experience? There are no rules, you make them yourself. This is a type of exploration that demands more positive discussion.
This being said, it can be very daunting to expose yourself during your most private pleasures, even to your closest person. If you would like to try mutual masturbation but your play partner is hesitant, do not be disheartened. Take it slow, try broaching the subject such as would you like to watch me masturbate (or cum). You could try watching porn/videos together, reading salacious stories together and inviting them to show you what they like. Like all acts, consent is important, but it can also take time. Remember, we are coming out of an era where masturbation was still taught as bad, so for many people, masturbation was a private act and when they masturbated, they kept it private so that they would not be reprimanded or judged. Being public about masturbation, even in your relationship may be a big step for some people. Be kind. Be open. Be understanding. Show them this article, and let’s start the conversation and bring masturbation and mutual masturbation out of the darkness.