How to Talk to Your Partner About Strap On Sex

Thong Harness

It takes two to strap up and strap on, so before anything can happen, you need to talk to your partner. Regardless how eager you are, don’t go and purchase   a new dildo and a harness without having this important conversation.

Here’s what you need to know.

Listen and Give Your Partner Time

This is true for any discussion regarding sex, strap-on or otherwise, but it’s especially true for the discussion of pegging for the first time. There are many misconceptions about what “it means” to have strap-on sex in a heterosexual relationship. Most people assume that anal penetration is gay and  “letting” their female partner penetrate them is emasculating. Neither is true.

Your partner might seem shocked by what you’re telling them so you need to carefully listen to them and answer their questions as best as you can. They also might need time to process what you’ve told them. Some partners will be all in right away, some might need to take some time to think about it first and, others might not be into it at all.

Be Clear in What You Mean

Depending on the nature of your relationship, “strap-on sex” isn’t always clear. If you’re a cisgender man in a heterosexual relationship, any mention of a strap-on will likely involve a discussion on pegging. But if you have erectile dysfunction, you might want to try a hollow dildo, in which case, you don’t want to be on the receiving end of strap-on sex. See how this distinction becomes important?

If neither of you have a penis, you’re going to want to be clear about who’s using the dildo on who and if you want to both give and receive, let your partner know. Ideally, you want to avoid confusion about what kind of strap-on sex you want to try from the very beginning. This makes the conversation much easier to have.

Shop Together

Assuming all goes well, continue the conversation by shopping together. You can go into a local adult shop or if that is not the most comfortable thing you can browse online. After, talk about what you like, and what you don’t like.

Shopping for your sex toys together also creates another form of intimacy and excitement. Once you place your order or pay at the register, now you get to plan how to use it once it arrives or you get home. That can lead to more excitement and arousal before you’ve even begun.

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