When was the last time you experimented with sex toys, or other alternatives, to up the ante in bed? Oftentimes we get mind-blowing orgasms, but there are some incidents when we get into unexpected mishaps! The result? We get some of the funniest sex accidents that will make you roll with laughter!
What Spurred These Funny and Hilarious Sex Accidents?
I mean, how difficult can it be, just humping and grinding the missionary way? That gets old real fast, and we just need a little help to spice things up in bed. And good Lord, did sex toys arrive live manna from heaven! Their rise to popularity gave us something to be curious about and explore our own sexuality. Whether it is through sex toys or improvised items, our imaginations ran wild. Sometimes we do it right, but then some of us get into hilarious accidents in the process.
But it didn’t stop there. Erotic novels further ignited our interest in adult toys and experimentation. And it didn’t help that the world-renowned success of “Fifty Shades of Grey” put the topic wide open into the silver screen. We became our own versions of Anastasia Steele and Christian Grey, hoping to replicate those hot encounters. That’s right E. L. James, we’re looking at you, you are partially to blame for some of our funny bedroom fails!
Top 10 Funny (and Some Scary) Sex Toy Blunders
Without further ado, it’s time to count down on some of the funniest sex accidents as shared by different people! Can you relate to these?
A Bladder Problem
How many guys actually enjoy “urethral play,” anyone? Well this guy from Taiwan, which was around his 30s during the time of the accident, apparently loved it – which he may have enjoyed too much that the 7-inch sex toy got pushed so far and lodged into his bladder! He refused to go see a doctor for more than 48 hours, until such time he started peeing blood. The lesson? Always lube up, or things can get rough!
The Wrong Lube
Speaking of lube, for all you playful people out there, you know that you ought to lube up before entering from behind. At the same time, you need to make sure you have the correct one!
Take this couple’s experience as an example. One of them got up and applied some Vicks VapoRub as this person was feeling chesty, and then just left it on the nightstand. Now the partner felt frisky, wanted some playful sex in the middle of the night, and decided to have some anal action. The lights were turned off, and he thought he grabbed lube from the nightstand and applied it in liberal amounts. As they were pumping, things got concerningly hot, so the receiver jumped out of bed, turned the lights on, and saw that they were actually using Vicks as lube!
Word of advice: know where your lubes and sex toys really are!
Sex Toy, Not a Chew Toy
Now if you know where you’ve tucked your adult toys, make sure your furry friends do not know where they are, or it’s going to end up like this next scenario.
This woman had friends over for dinner and suddenly got concerned after hearing a vibrating sound. At first they thought that one of their phones may have been in silent mode and was just ringing on the floor, but no. Lo and behold, she saw her dog chewing on her vibrator! Needless to say, she had to buy a new vibrator and bought her dog a chew toy.
Sure, this wasn’t a sex accident, but would you still use that vibrator? I didn’t think so.
Beady Marks of Backdoor Entry
Now anal action is fun and all, but you have to be prepared for it. Otherwise, prepare for some messy repercussions.
Here’s what happened to this next victim of a sex blunder who had fun with anal beads. His dominant partner insisted that they try it, and so he submitted. After some fun and getting into a mind-blowing orgasm, his partner removed the beads and placed it on the white sheets beside him. When he looked down, he saw that it was smeared with, you know, “brown,” messy things. He had to get the sheet and the toy so he could wash it immediately! That went from orgasmic to embarassing real quick.
Oral Protection Gone Wrong
If you don’t like to swallow, consider using oral protection. But don’t swallow that item that’s protecting you orally!
This woman from Cameroon, who was 26 at the time, visited the doctor to have herself checked after having nasty coughs. They were thinking she had appendicitis, but it wasn’t any normal case. Apparently, she swallowed the condom that she and her partner used and was lodged in her appendix. Of course, she had to undergo appendectomy! Horrific, indeed.
A Potato Issue
It’s relatively easy to get a sex toy especially at this day and age, but if you’re a priest, it may prove to be difficult. That may have been the case how this priest from Sheffield got into an accident with one of the most unassuming things – a potato.
It was back in 2008 when this priest got a potato stuck up in his bum. In order to save face, he came up with an innocent excuse; that he fell on the potato while he was hanging curtains. Sure, it’s pretty common for someone to be hanging curtains naked and then conveniently having a potato just near you. We’re like, “really queen?”
Extending the Pleasure Further
Do you have your passport with you? Let’s fly to Russia because that’s where our next sex toy accident takes place.
This Russian man thought that maybe his wife would appreciate a dig deeper, so he got a prosthetic extension for his member. In the heat of the moment, the toy popped off and voila! Where did it go? Any guesses? It got stuck in his wife! They actually got a divorce after, but was it because of this unfortunate accident? We’re not sure, but will you divorce someone after this humiliating stunt?
An Un-”Canny” Accident from Behind
If you’re looking for even more funny sex accidents and the hilarious excuses, go ask an ER nurse. A redditor by the name of spectacular mustard shared that they got a guy rushed to the hospital who had a deodorant – that’s right, a deodorant – stuck in his butt. His excuse was that he got off the shower and “fell” on the can of deodorant. Of course, the ER staff knew what really happened. I mean come on, what are the odds that the can was covered in lube?
Frozen Hot Dogs, Anyone?
A dildo is a woman’s best friend if she wants some action. Now what if you don’t have one? Don’t even try that frozen hot dog, people!
This person who was assigned to the ER met a familiar face who complained of stomach pain. She realised that it was her high school classmate, but instead of being happy, that certain patient got mortified. She said she got something stuck in her, and upon further discussion, she admitted that she thawed a frozen hot dog so she can use it to pleasure herself. It got cut off, leaving a portion of it inside her, and the rest, as you know, is history! Try sharing that during your next reunion!
Fun “with” the Bed
When we say have fun in bed, we didn’t say you should have fun “with” it! Apparently that was the wrong understanding this next patient had.
A woman worked in the ER and had one guy who was subjected for a foreign object removal. What needed to be removed and where? Apparently, he got a bedknob stuck in his butt! And here’s the catch – he wanted it back!
Whew! Those stories are funny and scary at the same time! That’s why we suggest you shop for an actual sex toy instead of improvising. You’re in luck because for a limited time, we are slashing 10 percent off of your next purchase by typing the code FLASH10 upon checkout. As you purchase, you should also learn how to take care of your sex toys. After all, they are meant for pleasure, not embarrassment!