As you can imagine, the internet is littered with seduction advice articles, flirting tips and the like. What if you’re looking for something a little deeper than flicking your hair and perfecting your pout? Dating can feel like wandering blindly through a minefield, trying to avoid hidden pitfalls as well as common errors. When you experience that elusive, intense connection with someone, nerves can threaten to overwhelm and could even seriously dent your chances of forging a fully-fledged relationship. Today I’d like to share with you my top 10 seduction tips that really work.
10 Keys To Seduction Success
1. Lose the pressure.
It can be tempting to let your excitement get the better of you, leading to a growing sense of urgency which can then be perceived by your romantic interest as being rushed.
It’s difficult when you’re sure you’ve finally found the partner of your dreams, but do your best not to feel rushed or make anyone else feel pressured into moving things forward at a pace they’re not comfortable with.
2. Recognise and respect boundaries.
Connected to the first point about losing an increasing urgency, or sense of pressure, is the recognition and respect of boundaries. Whether there are clearly marked boundaries from both sides from the start, or you need to take some time honestly communicating and defining what those boundaries are, they should be fully respected at all times.
3. Be interested… and interesting.
Your verbal interaction with the target of your romantic affections can make or break the seduction. Memorable chats include a consistent level of interest from both sides, with neither completely dominating the conversation. In comparison, I’m sure everyone can remember a conversation which was dull and painfully difficult to engage with.
Being genuinely interested in the other person is key, as well as revealing the most interesting facets of your personality while you’re at it. If you’re worried about running out of things to talk about, feel free to mentally prepare some ’emergency topics’ before you meet. Ask questions, but maintain a balance between being interested and interrogating your chat partner. Be interesting, but try to recognise when you’ve been talking about you for quite a while –then steer things back to them.
4. Pay your way.
I know this can be a controversial subject, but I believe that on dates everyone should at least offer to pay their way. ‘Going Dutch’ (paying for your half of the date, whatever it may be) seems the fairest option. But if you really want to pay for the entire date, that’s your and your partner’s choice.
If they want to completely pay for yours as well as theirs, don’t be offended if they insist on treating you. On a typical date I’d never demand or expect to be paid for, but I wouldn’t make a scene if my date wanted to pay in entirety, as a gift, either.
5. Don’t play games.
Can we just call time on the whole ‘playing games’ thing when it comes to dating and seduction? And I’m not talking about leaving Candy Crush well alone on dates, although that’s obviously sound advice. I mean those really rubbish ‘dating rules’ we’ve all read about in old advice books or in glossy mags.
There are many popular ideas and ‘tricks’ for getting someone to be even more interested in you, such as not calling for a certain length of time after a date, being nonchalant in general or otherwise playing ‘hard to get’. These ‘dating rules’ apparently lead to seduction being a dead-cert, and while they might sound cool on paper or the web, in reality they often just leave people feeling confused, anxious, disappointed and hurt.
6. Be genuine.
While we’re on the topic of not playing games: please, please, be genuinely YOU. Be upfront and honest with the person you’re interested in seducing, instead of trying to win them over with an act or performance.
You want them to fall for the person you really are, don’t you? Acting otherwise just isn’t sustainable, anyway. Trying to be someone different to who you really are is dishonest at the core, and will ultimately end in disappointment for everyone.
7. Accept rejection gracefully.
No matter how helpful and practical the seduction tips, there’s no guaranteed route to success. It’s an inescapable fact that rejection, especially by someone you’re romantically interested in, cuts deep. Sadness easily turns to anger which can lead to saying things in the heat of the moment that you don’t mean. Or even if you do mean them, things that would be best left unsaid.
I accept that it is extremely difficult or can even seem impossible to remain calm when your seduction attempts go unrequited or actively rejected, but do you really want to be remembered for kicking off when you’re told ‘no’? Do your best to accept rejection gracefully –but by all means, feel free to go scream about how unfair it is into a cushion or in the company of an understanding friend.
8. Maintain great personal hygiene.
Put yourself in the best position for seduction success by being absolutely and gorgeously clean. Show you value cleanliness by keeping on top of your personal and intimate hygiene.
As well as taking care of your appearance, good bathing habits that keep the dreaded body odour at bay will stand you in good stead during dates and beyond. Don’t forget the importance of clean teeth and fresh breath.
Being clean and smelling as sweet as possible is an easy way to notch up another point in your favour when it comes to impressing that special someone.
9. Be confident, not arrogant.
Feeling nervous or like you’re cock-of-the-walk? It’s well-documented that confidence is attractive, but nerves can often lead to over-compensating in this as well as other areas. It’s vital to know the difference between being confident and coming across as arrogant. Similarly, a person can be positively assertive without being domineering over someone else, or demonstrating controlling behaviours.
10.Stay safe at all times.
It should go without saying, but I’ll reiterate anyway: it’s vital to stay safe at all times. Do whatever it takes to ensure you’re safe throughout your seduction, dating and relationship experiences. Take your time so you recognise when you’re actively consenting or when you’re going along with something because you feel you ‘should’.
Don’t feel -or be made to feel- silly because you insist on bringing a friend along when you meet someone, when you won’t meet in a person’s home or let them into yours, when you don’t want to stay over, when you take a moment to confirm with a friend that you’re safe, when you set a safeword/use traffic lights, or when you otherwise discuss and set your boundaries.
In the real world, things often don’t go as perfectly as we plan. But keeping the above 10 seduction tips in mind should hopefully help you to avoid the most common dating and new relationship problems.